.. "ja sam bila i dovoljno zgažena, a ko sam ja da nekog gazim?"

Znala sam pogledati u nebo i ne vidjeti ništa 'sem oblaka. Al' bilo je onih dana kad sam znala pogledat' i vidjeti i lica i uspomene i trenutke, a najprije sebe. I tako je bilo dana kad sam znala umrijeti iznutra, a da niko ni ne primjeti. Kažu da je svjetlo uvijek na kraju tunela, šta ako hodam puno dublje ispod zemlje?
Gdje da samo počnem, počnem ponovo, nešto novo.. Koga da tražim? Ja više nemam nikog' da me uhvati kad padnem.
A onda joj otvorim vrata, ponovo, ne treba ni da joj kažem da uđe, ona zna. Zašto ljudi nisu kao ova tuga? Zašto kad im vrata otvoriš oni lupaju njima, zatvaraju ih i otvaraju, onako kako oni hoće. Zar bi ova tuga ušla da zna da tu nema šta tražiti? Ne bi, al' ima itekako. Onda, kad bude htjela otići, ne ode jer se zasitila, jer joj je dosta, jer su joj dosadile suze, ona ode jer više nema mjesta za nju, ona osjeti kad da ode i nikad, al' nikad, ne ode, a da te ne ostavi sretnog. Zašto, vi, ljudi? Da tuga zna, i ona bi pustila suzu nad ovom našom sudbinom, da zna, savladala bi samu sebe.. 
Većinu vremena, nakon tog', samo jednog trenutka, hodala bih sagete glave. Nisam mogla pogledati gore kad sam znala da je ono što je 'gore' ustvari 'moje dole'. Gledala sam u lišće po cesti, izbjegavajući da stanem na njih, ja sam bila i dovoljno zgažena, a ko sam ja da nekog gazim?
Pogledala bi sa strane i vidjela kako ih drugi gaze. Onako bezosjećajno, bez imalo savjesti, kao da gaze sve one koji su zgazili njih. Tad' sam shvatila. I ja ću, jednog' dana, gaziti to isto lišće jednako ravnodušno kao i oni, proklinjati one koje u mislima ubijam. 
Ostanu ti uspomene. A šta su uspomene nego hodnici u vlastitoj glavi, kojim lutamo kad nemamo kud. Najgore ti bude kad se pretvore u labirint, pa ni tamo, ni 'vamo. Hodaš, tražiš izlaz i kad misliš da si ga našao vratiš se u neki hodnik koji te zaboli kao ni jedna ulica do sad. Sve se pretvori u nešto što ne možeš jednostavno ignorisati, ono nešto što uvijek boli iznova i jednakom jačinom. I lažu nas kad kažu da onda kad ne možemo spavat' budni smo u tuđim snovima. Koliko to onda mene lažnih osoba sanja? Kol'ko noći, evo ni ne brojim..
Ovaj život te nauči da vjeruješ samo onima koji vide tugu iza osmijeha, ljubav iza ljutnje i razlog tvojoj šutnji.. 

on that night, 31.12.

On that faithful moonlight night i was standing there, in the coldness. I would lie if i tell i was waiting. No. This is the way you left me. I kept walking around. I tried to pretend nothing went wrong, but it did. It felt like forever. But i wasn't waiting, not at all. This is the hardest story that i've ever told. As i was watching the stars, falling down, and as i heard the voices in the back, voices from down the street. As i heard laughs from down there. I couldn't bring myself to cry. Not a single tear was shed. And i was telling myself a lot of things, that night. But i couldn't understand my own words. I could only hear the voices. Someone's voices, voices i knew. I knew i can't look down the street, i knew if i would it would tear me apart. But i thought i knew so many things, so i did it. I turned my head and i could see everything i ever thought that could destroy me. And it didn't, cause i didn't let it. I thought i won't have strength in my legs to move, i thought i won't be able to let a word come out of my mouth, but i did. So now i can truly say, everything i ever thought is a lie.

I was looking down the street and at that moment i was watching the voices i've heard. I knew them better then i knew myself, and it was the only thing i actually knew on that night. No tears. No happy endings.

Somewhere in the crowd, between the voices i could hear my heart. It was skipping beats. I was healing the hurt behind my eyes by simply standing there and dealing with the voices i heard.

-Hey! Hurry up then! Or you'll fall behind and they'll take control of you. Voices, yes.
If you don't hurry up, if you don't catch yourself in the moment, they will. You'll be made of them. Every single thought will speak itself with the voices, voices you're hearing. Don't let yourself be there, where you were. No, that's not for you. Little bastards who are trying to impress each other, no. You're more than
that.-

So as i was staring, down, i kept my feelings no one knew. In this times of doing what you're told, you realize you always did kept them for yourself. Everyone's pointing their fingers, and no one knows what it's like.
What it's like to know, and never been told. 

-Silence. Silence everywhere. You hear a whisper and then a laugh. And again, and again. You could hear the silence calling his name. It's getting louder. Few words. It's loud. If you weren't there you couldn't sleep. Not because of the voices, but, because of the night. It actually doesn't mean you're lonely if you're alone. You stood alone there, yea. On that night, you weren't lonely, you never are. You're over. Making a story doesn't help. Making things right on your own way won't help. You're just another lost soul that's made to suffer. But not on that night, that night was simply beautiful.. -

we lost hope in a faraway place..

She pulled the curtains. She watched the world on the outside, finding something, someone.. somewhere. Could it be that she's forgetting? Could it be that every  new step, she's making, it's a memory she's losing?
And was it really hard do that at the start, there, where she lost herself? Those lonely nights, lost tears, her smiles she forgot on her way to here, were they just something that's now simply passing? Something she actually never had but it was still there? They were keeping her alive and now, when she's losing them, she's feeling more alive than she ever did. So, could it be that everything was for nothing? And if so, is she supposed to regret it? Or just not pay attention at it? How did she came this far? Here, where all those feelings she felt, when he looked at her, are something she buried deep inside of her. So she can't feel them, anymore. How did every reason, she had to be sad, became something so strange to her, did time took it? Just like it took her? And why is she still thinking? What's that one thing that's still connecting them? He's there, even he's not. And if everything passed why are they still looking at each other, with no feelings left, just staring. He's there. She's there. They're just there, and they always will be, even though it's all they're ever going to be. He took her down, she was drowning.. Past is behind them. Things are changing, she's standing on her feet again. She's fighting and it's not something she used to believe in, even she knew she will break. He left her side, that night. Painful, night. With every new day her steps were smaller. And on and on, until she touched the ground. If she just lay there, on the same ground, would he lay with her or would he just  walk away? She asked herself all the way, did she ever crossed his mind, or if those looks he gave her are just a part of her imagination, and if he ever stopped and just for a second missed her. Is she the only one who searched for answers? She never imagined to find them. But as long as you're trying, searching, you'll find it. Her steps are bigger now. All that's left is her revenge. She'll win him back. And then, she'll make him fall, fall like she did, but she won't let him feel a thing, cause she'll feel it with him, she'll go through it with him. Make him realize, after all, everything wasn't for nothing...At least, they will always be lost in their faraway place...

as he goes left and you stay right..

Where did i go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness.. I lost my road. I lost myself. The fact that you're not here is killing me. I have to see you and know that you're not there. I can see you, but i can't feel you, anymore. I can't bring myself to scream when im alone in the room. I can't let everything just flow out of me. I keep it inside, im keeping you inside. You stood by me, and i stood by you. Now, i see you on the corner. Im lost and insecure. Back then, you found me. You were looking for me, and i let you in. You became the one i need just live a new day. I have to see you, there, where i am, laughing, making jokes.. And im lost again, im still the same. Im still insecure. But not you.. You're there and you're glad you are. I had you on my side, now i have to watch you keeping the promise you once made in a joke. You left me alone. You left me to fight this battle alone.. I was looking for the mistakes i've made, and i've never found them until now. As the days are passing im finding explanations. I decided you're on the otherside and i decided it's good. Until somehow you appear again.. And i go back to my tears. I still hope.. That's the mistake i've been doin'. But i just can't help myself. You're not making it any easier. You come and go, now you're here, the next moment you're not.. You say all those things that make me forget everything you have done. You give me that look like you miss who we were. But in reality im, again, just hoping.. nothing else..
All that's left are those unsaid words, there are still there, even i thought you said them. Even i thought i was the boredom killer. Even i spent so much time just thinking, trying to find them, trying to explain them..
Trying to just fix everything. Can't you understand? I have nothing left from all this and yet, i keep running in circles coming back to my thoughts. Locking the doors, sitting in the dark, im losing faith. The last thing i have ever imagined is watching you destroy everything i am. I don't mind being in pain. Sometimes i forget about it, but i never let anyone take it from me. Im enjoying every second of it. Every scar that it leaves. Bleeding. I was, i am bleeding on the inside. And i will never heal.. Can't you just be the old you? Can't you just tell me everything..

between the lines of fear and blame,you begin to wonder why you came..

She's lost in her own words. She got lost at the start, there, where she couldn't even choose the right way. Her shadows the only one that walks beside her. And she won't find her rest until the voices in her head stop. But does she want them to stop, are they keeping her alive? Are they everything that's left for her? And she keeps asking herself where did she went wrong, and is it bad to miss him? Cause it feels so wrong but she can't stop. Only thing missing is bringing to her is pain, maybe she's born to suffer. Someone's choice changed a life. Her life. She's fighting to survive. Over and over she falls. She can't stand like she used to, she can't smile like before. Is everything that is left a little feeling of missing someone, something..?
She's a little piece of puzzle lost in a dark place. It slipped through someones hands and now it's lost forever.
You can't bring it back, you can't finish your puzzle, it's just lost. After some time, when you find it, you may be happy about it, you might be sad cause it's not same as it was. Time ruined it. Time hurt it. Time took it.
So why are you searching for it? Don't ever come back for it, don't! Cause that piece of puzzle is, well, piece of puzzle and she can't do anything about it, after everything, she'll be again yours,just like she used to,even though you know you can't finish the puzzle! With or without the last piece, it's just not the same.
If she hold back her tears will it stop? This can't be all she has. And she needs him, like she never did. And all this time she hoped he needs her too. So why is it so painful to stop crying? If crying means we're alive, is it so wrong to feel so good about feeling alive that way? Can't we change our paths? She's standing there watching him in flames. Watching him staying awake all night, burnin' in flames, taking the wrong way, way she choose. As he goes left, she goes right, they're on the other sides, other roads, still, it's the same lonely road that was meant to take them. She's lost, insecure, surrounded, and he found her. He caught that little smile on her face, the brightness in her eyes when she looked at him, at that moment he knew, knew that she would follow all the way down. That she would stay beside him, and at that same moment she lost him.
She lost him cause he realized she'll be there. No matter what. She will be there. She can't let the past go, it's not the thing she can just forget.. She can't.. Cause she's used to it. He comes, and goes, and breaks and brings the hope, brings the pain. But she? She'll be there.

this storm that's broken me, my only friend..

I can't miss you. Cause missing is bad. I remember the day when every single thing became meaningless to you. And i can't not remember all these months. It will pass- i tell myself. Time will take it. It will pass. As the time is passing nothing is changin'. I decided you're on the other side. Still, the other side is not far enough. Between mine and yours is just a thin thread. They say it gets thicker day by day. But as the days are passing by i can't see the change. It's as thin as it was at the start. There's no days, there's no time that could change things.Everywhere i go i look around and im trying to find you. I can feel your touch, hear your voice.. Everywhere.. A sadness grows inside of me and it all seems so unfair.And all the pain i should feel i push it down, i push it somewhere inside of me where no one wants to be. One look at that place and everything you ever thought you were is everything you have ever been afraid of. I see your face and still, after everything, it makes me smile. I can hear the whisper from my broken heart, im still swallowing the goodbye. And it seems like everything is broken, just when my brain decides to remember. Remembering is the hardest thing i have ever done. The sun isn't shining as it used to. And i can feel the rain, again, falling on my head like a memory. One drop, one feeling, one memory, new emotions-pain.I keep everything inside of me, im just another lost soul. You shall take the place inside of fire with me. I'll be broken another time i tell myself. I am stricken and i can't let you go even you're already gone. I wanna know if i'll heal inside, im so tired of being punished for just simply existing. I think it's enough for me tasting the hell this time. Im running from myself. Don't want others to see me falling, running from who i am. From who i've became. It is beyond my control will we ever meet again.I can feel the animal inside, pounding on the doors of my mind.And i can feel the fear inside of me but i can't bring myself to scream. I've found something i should be happy for, guess what happens? I remember. I never really had a chance on that fateful moonlit night, i thought i could fight, but until i realise why is it so hard to let go, i won't be able to fight the feelings i don't want to feel. Scroll down.. First post.. 13th May.. From that day im building this inside of me. Now, when i found someone else to miss. Someone else to love, i can't let go. Maybe something will change.. Maybe someone will change me, my feelings.. I still hope even i know.. And that's the mistake i keep repeatin'.

standing on the crossroad where you have to decide..

She is not bitter. She's just sad. Her dreams are her destiny. She will find a way, her wings are broken but she'll fly, fly away. When the stars are falling down and sending voices to her mind and the moonlight is filling pieces of her heart. There, where she lost her words behind, sadness is calling her to come, she'll join the land of seas of love. One day, when she's old enough she'll realise how close she was to reality and she missed it. It slipped through her hands. At that moment all the feelings will break through her, and break her. She'll hear the words, quietly landing on her ears. And she'll find a little piece of her heart lost in the crowd, sitting there, quiet like a cloud, she'll find a smile in her eyes. She'll stand and fight. Seems like it was a long time ago. There was a crossroad and she choose the wrong way. Even she still doesn't know what is right and what is wrong. Feeling what she felt in that darkness, was a sign. It's hard to fight when you're drowning in your tears. And the flame is burning on and on. So that smile, she caught in her eyes was the dream she once, used to had. So she stands, and she fights. 'Cause she's strong, she'd travel time to confess. She may ask herself ''has the moment came and passed?''. Her dreams are still there and they always will be her destiny. But when the dreams are everything that is left, only words can speak the tale. Have you seen the stars? Falling down? You can understand. You have not? You will... You born alone. You die alone. The rest is yours to fill the gap. And now? She's missing someone else.. 

-le me improvising with emir hot-you, and stand and fight songs.

..things, people, feelings will never be the same again..

I listen to a song. A song that is happy and that makes me happy. Well, it's the only thing that makes me happy in last few months.. I tell myself that im over you, that im done, and nothing's gonna happen. And i stay behind my words, just till the next day when i see you.When you give me that look, look that makes me remember my tale, our tale. I remember you, with me, on that field. And in reality we had nothing but our words, and each other, every single day. At the end the guilted invaded notion of someone i once knew. I never thought that could ever be possible. But now, when i talk to you, and it's not so often, i don't recognize you. I just don't know you. Things aren't like they used to be, people aren't the same anymore, and feelings aren't either.When you blame yourself for everything it's much harder to deal with things you're going through.You know that feeling when you're tired of everything.? When it's easier to walk away then fight? And whenever that feeling comes, when the feeling to give up of everything comes you're not ready, you're never ready for it. Somehow you run from it. From the feeling, from the moment. You put a smile on your face and everything you do is pretend. Pretending is good. As long as people can't see you crashing they will treat you as they were going to. Once they see how hurt you are everything's gonna change. 'Cuz some may think everything else you do is pretending, but in reality you're just hiding feelings so you can't hurt anyone else. But i guess no one can see what you're going through. Everyone thinks there's no problems, they think you don't have any, but actually YOUR FEELINGS ARE QUITE ENOUGH problem for u. And yea, maybe i don't have problems, 'cuz i have nothing left with you, 'cuz everything with my family and friends is just fine, but hey, not everything you can just see is a problem, maybe you can't see it or touch it, but it's there. Not everything you can't see is not real, it really is out there. 

im giving all i have not to need you..

Run away? Run away to be lost in the crowd seems like a perfect answer. But running away is such an immature act. And cowardly. If good moments come to you everyday you can get sick of them, and it's not because you don't want them. Because you want something bad. But just, sometimes, all that we need is something called fear of losing everything. And just then you can see what things, what people mean, or don't mean to you. I try. Im trying. I want to go, i want to let everything go. Something is pushing me back, pulling me down and i can't even name the ''something''. Do you have to come now and then and leave some clues and just go, disappear? Is that really necessary? Well, it was never about how i feel, so, why should i care? It was never about how im spending the lonely nights on my own. Now, im ignoring you and it's working. I don't want you to run after me, to chase me, and i don't want you to need me.'Cuz im giving all i have not to need you. Im standing for myself. And you? You are the one that should not be named. You're on the OTHER SIDE. Side, that i don't even look at. And you always will be there. I will always remember you, and i'll remember our tale. But from now on everything you are is a stranger passing by. I won't ever even look at you, i'll just bend my head everytime i see you. 'Cuz you are a stranger standing on the other side. I will, at least, i'll try to remember you with me, on that field. But from tomorrow you have your field, and i'll make my own. I will collect, one by one, slowly and patiently little pieces of my heart i lost. Little pieces you took from me. With no mercy, you just pulled them out of me. You made me standing here all by myself. And just because of you i can't feel anything.

I WAS THE ''BOREDOM KILLER''

If things in your life are going good, please, enjoy them, 'cuz they won't last forever. But remember, if they're going bad, they can't last forever either. Maybe one day, you'll regret the chances you didn't took, chances you missed.Don't ever, ever,ever, blame yourself for something you know you haven't done.Don't blame yourself for other people mistakes. Yes, i've been in love. Painful. Pointless. Overrated. I was waiting for those words you didn't said at the end. And i thought it's not the end if they're still unsaid. But then, when you finally did. Not completely but still.. you said everything i had to hear. It's not im not getting used to it.. To be screwed over and over again. Or to trust wrong people. It's just i thought you, ''the you'', for who i actually thought were different screwed me the most. And i can't live with the fact that i have to feel this, what i feel right now, just because i let myself fall for you. People around me keep telling me i should be strong, not to cry, not look back and not to feel what i feel. But the thing is, i am strong. I truly am. I remember how i used to not care and everything was just fine. At the moment i started to care one by one, little pieces of me broke, and fell off. Until, everything that is left it's everything i will ever be, and ever feel. It's ok to cry. You can cry. There's always time to be positive. Now, im not sure if i really wanted the words to be said, but they are, and i can't do anything about it. I've been through all this alone with this blog and words of mine. That. That makes ME strong. And now, when im ready to move on. When i am ready to not think about you, talk about you, when im ready to let you go. To let the memories, and feelings go away. I realize how much time i've lost just sitting and thinking something will change but actually all this time i knew who you really were, i just didn't want to accept it, and live with it. Live with the fact, everything i ever was to you it's boredom killer, and well, seems like im that for everyone else. 

one wrong move and you're chasing shadows from the past..

When our looks cross, i stare, you stare. No moves, no words, just staring. And sometimes that staring, that silence tells more then any moves or words could ever tell. It's a silence with a story. Just like everyone else, we had one too. Our own. It was a story i could never tell again, it was a tale you only read once but it stays in your memory forever. No one wrote it down, but everyone knows it. Some may forget.. but not you.
You will remember every single word of it, moment, every single smile you had telling it.. living it.. Tale, which now seems like it wasn't right. Only becuase remembering it is the hardest memory you have.

You ask yourself if he's worth it. And the answer is positive. But take another look of what you have right now. Pain, that you can't even explain. Happiness, 'cuz it happened. Hope, for it to repeat. Faith, 'cuz of the unsaid words you're waiting for to be said, and at the end he screw you over again. Just with not telling anything, with ignoring your words,and not telling his, unsaid words. It makes you think they don't exist, but they do, they are there, and as long as they're unsaid you can't move on, you're stuck with your tale. Tale, that tells itself with the look he gives to you. Tale, that's passing through you. Tale, only you two can understand no matter how much people know about it. No matter you hope someone, who knows it, will finish it. You hope someone will break it, someone will help you, someone,that you know, will tell him to finish the unsaid words you're waiting for becuase you can't. But that won't happen, 'cuz only person you depend on is yourself,  no one will take a risk for you. You're on your own, 'cuz well, it is your tale, which now just makes you chasing shadows from the past! 

all these feelings are wrapped around me, they hold me down so i can't break through..

I was never a kind of girl who fell in love. Ever. I had my feelings on an offline mode. People would say im heartless, cold.. But i was just protecting myself, i didn't knew from what, i didn't knew from who, but now i know. All those unsaid words, all those undone moments, everything i've ever felt, everything i've ever seen in my life is passing through my mind at that very moment when i see u. When i turn around and when i find u looking at me through my mind are passing pictures and through my body are passing feelings, feelings i've never felt before. All those feelings are wrapped around me, they hold me down so i can't break through.
And as much as i want to break through them, they hold me back, they keep me in one place, place where i don't want to be.. past.. It's funny how you start to love some stranger who came into your life when you didn't expect him, and there are alot of other strangers, but that one, that one is special. And when you don't even realise you fall in love with him, and one of the other strangers fells in love with u, and the other too, and on and on, it goes to infinity.. No matter if you two love each other,or you love him, there is that other stranger who is accidently, or not, your,his,her best friend, and there's nothing you can do except fight. Find your own way to fight, to break the feelings, to switch your feelings on an offline mode again.You would give anything just to feel him.. Just to feel all those feelings you had before. You would give anything just to hear the unsaid words and to touch the undone moments but its wrong.. it can't be. And just that fact is killing you inside.

i felt so empty as i cried like part of me had died..

Time is a tricky thing. It passes so fast that you barely realise. And as it goes, as it changes, everything changes with it. It takes your memories and moments, it takes YOUR moments with it. And with time comes happiness, joy.. but sometimes, time brings pain, and sadness. And time is life. With the same time we learn how to live with it, how to live with everything life brings. People change with time too. Same people who once wanted to spent every second of their lifes with u, just talking to u, or just staring at u. Same people who once swore they're going to be there for u when u need them. Same people who are just strangers now. Same people who, now, are not same as they used to be. They left your life without a goodbye, without an explanation, they just.. left.. Becuase it was easier than try to work things out.
And when i talk about people, and when i talk about their actions from past, or from today i think about you.

At this moment you're supossed to come to me. You're supossed to come to me and ask me something. Anything. Maybe you should ask me how i feel. Becuase i was there for you, i was there when no one was. And those are your words, not mine. You said that, it came from your mouth. And i just can't believe you broke your promise, and i never believed you could put everything behind you. All our words, all our messages and all our looks. All those little and meaningless things which are now everything that i have. Everything that is left here for me. It's everything that keeps me alive.

..over and over i fall for you, over and over i try not to!

The best thing i can do is forget. And i wish i could. I wish i could just put the past behind, put everything i felt and everything i feel right now behind. It would make things easier. Everything would be just.. easier..
I could finally be happy with this life, and i could move on. But right now im stuck in past and when i really do  try to  move forward and as harder i try i just go back, and deeper to my memories. Maybe it's all becuase i still have faith and i hope you still care. And even i tell myself everyday im wrong, and even im trying to prove myself wrong there's a part of me that just can't let all this go. And if you only knew how much right now im regreting all we had, or should i say all i thought we had, and if you only knew how many nights i spent drowning in my tears just becuase you're not there, just becuase i had a fight with you, it would even bring sadness to your heart, and we know how much heartless you are.
Now even if u try  you can't kill me with kindness 'cuz i don't buy it.
I just want to go somewhere, somwhere i could start again. Somewhere i'll have to put the past behind, somewhere where i won't have choice.
And just when i say to myself that it's over, and i say im done with you, and that you're going to be a friend, once you were the best one, and just when i start over, at least when i try to start over there's always someone who puts the bug in my ear, the one who tells me that maybe i should try more just for a little bit and again, im screwed. 

don't let others see you falling, don't be reason of their happiness..

What’s past is past, what’s done i cannot rewind. All those memories i think about now they're all fading away, and as they are i think about all those we could have, but we never will. Those memories are becoming shadows.  And as the time goes maybe i won't be able to remember them, or in the worst case i'll remember them forever. But now, when im aware that all two of us had is gone, i just want to forget everything, but i can't. I just can't put all that behind, all those memories we had, all those words, all those moments... And now, i hate myself coz of that, and when i see you smiling all around i feel kinda happy coz you are, and then when i realise what i've lost and when i realise i can't be happy, i go back to my tears. And i realised people love rain, they love standing on rain so no one can see their tears, no one can see the pain behind their eyes. Im sad too, but  i smile, make jokes it doesn't matter if its all pretending that im happy, in reality im all alone, lonely and on my own. Every single tear of mine is telling it's own story. But if you're brave, you'll stand on the rain with an umbrella, and hold back your tears ;)

its me on the picture

fuck society's idea of beauty.

As the days were passing by, i felt nothing and everything at the same time. At one second i felt like im in the  clouds and at the other one i was deep down in hell. It's not like anything special was happing in my life, those emotions were caused by too much thinking, SCUMBAG BRAIN!
And now i became someone i once swore i'll never be.
When i turn my head around  im surrounded by people i once knew, now they're just strangers passing by. Just becuase everything have changed, we changed ourselves.
And everytime i look myself at the mirror i see the old me. Im not trying to justify for who i have become, im just saying sometimes it's not our fault for the things that are happening. It's society's fault.
And every step we take, everything we do, every wrong move we make, they're going to blame us. We should just keep our heads up, and keep living.
You'll be called a liar 'cuz you won't tell everything, you'll be called stupid 'cuz you're wrong sometimes, you'll be called fake 'cuz you're nice, fat 'cuz you eat when you're hungry, and you'll be called weird and you won't be accepted 'cuz you don't look good. You're too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short and you  always will  be too this, too that.. but keep this on your mind..
..YOU'RE NOT UGLY, SOCIETY IS.

..including me and these words of mine..

-''You still love him?''
-"No way, where's that coming from, what made you think that?''
-"I know you. You do, you still love him. I can see it in your eyes. You're so insecure about your feelings, you're so quiet. You're finding explanations in everything he had done, for everything he said. You're defending him. Im not blind i can see your little, insecure smile when you look at him even you think no one can see it, even you believe you're strong. And i can hear how your voice shivers when you say his name. I know, i know you would give all this, including me and these words of mine, just to hug him. And i know you hate yourself 'cuz you're thinking of him everynight, knowing he isn't.. You still love him, ou, you love him so much..And i know you think he's worth it. But you should think about it, are those tears you're having right now and all that pain you're feeling, is that worth? I know you keep telling yourself that he is, that the pain will pass, and the tears will dissapear, but you can't be sure, can't you? ...Do you think that he'll fall for you? Do you think if he could just hear our words now, do you really think he would fall? And at the end i want you to know im there for you, no matter what you say..'cuz i know, i've been there were you are now, i kept saying that he's worth it..you don't wanna now how i feel now! "

is this level 2?

Do we forget we're alive so fast..? Everyday doing same stuff makes us forget who we are, who is who, we forget we're alive.. We forget about important things, and carry about the little unimportant. Is our problem we can't realise and seperate them. Important ones and unimporten? Why do we keep worring about people who don't even deserve to be in our lifes. The ones who come in our lifes when they want and leave whenever they get bored or something? The ones who're just hurting us. Making our lifes miserable day by day but we love them too much to realise that, we care about them so much we can't even imagine living without them.. And one day when they just magicaly decided to leave without an explanation, without a goodbye, we'll be so hurt and then, just then, we'll realise how all they did was bringing us pain. But still, we can't forget all those moments we spent with them, all those happy memories we had together, all those ''happy'' tears we had becuase we just lived the biggest moments of our lifes with them.. And please, don't be suprised when after some time, it may take days, months, years..but when they just knock at your life doors again, and please, forgive them.. Becuase that's life.. You'll realise after some time if they truly are sorry and if they have changed or they're going to hurt you again, but you'll be ready for it. You'll be ready to take the step and tell them to get the f***  out of your life! :)