this storm that's broken me, my only friend..

I can't miss you. Cause missing is bad. I remember the day when every single thing became meaningless to you. And i can't not remember all these months. It will pass- i tell myself. Time will take it. It will pass. As the time is passing nothing is changin'. I decided you're on the other side. Still, the other side is not far enough. Between mine and yours is just a thin thread. They say it gets thicker day by day. But as the days are passing by i can't see the change. It's as thin as it was at the start. There's no days, there's no time that could change things.Everywhere i go i look around and im trying to find you. I can feel your touch, hear your voice.. Everywhere.. A sadness grows inside of me and it all seems so unfair.And all the pain i should feel i push it down, i push it somewhere inside of me where no one wants to be. One look at that place and everything you ever thought you were is everything you have ever been afraid of. I see your face and still, after everything, it makes me smile. I can hear the whisper from my broken heart, im still swallowing the goodbye. And it seems like everything is broken, just when my brain decides to remember. Remembering is the hardest thing i have ever done. The sun isn't shining as it used to. And i can feel the rain, again, falling on my head like a memory. One drop, one feeling, one memory, new emotions-pain.I keep everything inside of me, im just another lost soul. You shall take the place inside of fire with me. I'll be broken another time i tell myself. I am stricken and i can't let you go even you're already gone. I wanna know if i'll heal inside, im so tired of being punished for just simply existing. I think it's enough for me tasting the hell this time. Im running from myself. Don't want others to see me falling, running from who i am. From who i've became. It is beyond my control will we ever meet again.I can feel the animal inside, pounding on the doors of my mind.And i can feel the fear inside of me but i can't bring myself to scream. I've found something i should be happy for, guess what happens? I remember. I never really had a chance on that fateful moonlit night, i thought i could fight, but until i realise why is it so hard to let go, i won't be able to fight the feelings i don't want to feel. Scroll down.. First post.. 13th May.. From that day im building this inside of me. Now, when i found someone else to miss. Someone else to love, i can't let go. Maybe something will change.. Maybe someone will change me, my feelings.. I still hope even i know.. And that's the mistake i keep repeatin'.