on that night, 31.12.

On that faithful moonlight night i was standing there, in the coldness. I would lie if i tell i was waiting. No. This is the way you left me. I kept walking around. I tried to pretend nothing went wrong, but it did. It felt like forever. But i wasn't waiting, not at all. This is the hardest story that i've ever told. As i was watching the stars, falling down, and as i heard the voices in the back, voices from down the street. As i heard laughs from down there. I couldn't bring myself to cry. Not a single tear was shed. And i was telling myself a lot of things, that night. But i couldn't understand my own words. I could only hear the voices. Someone's voices, voices i knew. I knew i can't look down the street, i knew if i would it would tear me apart. But i thought i knew so many things, so i did it. I turned my head and i could see everything i ever thought that could destroy me. And it didn't, cause i didn't let it. I thought i won't have strength in my legs to move, i thought i won't be able to let a word come out of my mouth, but i did. So now i can truly say, everything i ever thought is a lie.

I was looking down the street and at that moment i was watching the voices i've heard. I knew them better then i knew myself, and it was the only thing i actually knew on that night. No tears. No happy endings.

Somewhere in the crowd, between the voices i could hear my heart. It was skipping beats. I was healing the hurt behind my eyes by simply standing there and dealing with the voices i heard.

-Hey! Hurry up then! Or you'll fall behind and they'll take control of you. Voices, yes.
If you don't hurry up, if you don't catch yourself in the moment, they will. You'll be made of them. Every single thought will speak itself with the voices, voices you're hearing. Don't let yourself be there, where you were. No, that's not for you. Little bastards who are trying to impress each other, no. You're more than
that.-

So as i was staring, down, i kept my feelings no one knew. In this times of doing what you're told, you realize you always did kept them for yourself. Everyone's pointing their fingers, and no one knows what it's like.
What it's like to know, and never been told. 

-Silence. Silence everywhere. You hear a whisper and then a laugh. And again, and again. You could hear the silence calling his name. It's getting louder. Few words. It's loud. If you weren't there you couldn't sleep. Not because of the voices, but, because of the night. It actually doesn't mean you're lonely if you're alone. You stood alone there, yea. On that night, you weren't lonely, you never are. You're over. Making a story doesn't help. Making things right on your own way won't help. You're just another lost soul that's made to suffer. But not on that night, that night was simply beautiful.. -

this storm that's broken me, my only friend..

I can't miss you. Cause missing is bad. I remember the day when every single thing became meaningless to you. And i can't not remember all these months. It will pass- i tell myself. Time will take it. It will pass. As the time is passing nothing is changin'. I decided you're on the other side. Still, the other side is not far enough. Between mine and yours is just a thin thread. They say it gets thicker day by day. But as the days are passing by i can't see the change. It's as thin as it was at the start. There's no days, there's no time that could change things.Everywhere i go i look around and im trying to find you. I can feel your touch, hear your voice.. Everywhere.. A sadness grows inside of me and it all seems so unfair.And all the pain i should feel i push it down, i push it somewhere inside of me where no one wants to be. One look at that place and everything you ever thought you were is everything you have ever been afraid of. I see your face and still, after everything, it makes me smile. I can hear the whisper from my broken heart, im still swallowing the goodbye. And it seems like everything is broken, just when my brain decides to remember. Remembering is the hardest thing i have ever done. The sun isn't shining as it used to. And i can feel the rain, again, falling on my head like a memory. One drop, one feeling, one memory, new emotions-pain.I keep everything inside of me, im just another lost soul. You shall take the place inside of fire with me. I'll be broken another time i tell myself. I am stricken and i can't let you go even you're already gone. I wanna know if i'll heal inside, im so tired of being punished for just simply existing. I think it's enough for me tasting the hell this time. Im running from myself. Don't want others to see me falling, running from who i am. From who i've became. It is beyond my control will we ever meet again.I can feel the animal inside, pounding on the doors of my mind.And i can feel the fear inside of me but i can't bring myself to scream. I've found something i should be happy for, guess what happens? I remember. I never really had a chance on that fateful moonlit night, i thought i could fight, but until i realise why is it so hard to let go, i won't be able to fight the feelings i don't want to feel. Scroll down.. First post.. 13th May.. From that day im building this inside of me. Now, when i found someone else to miss. Someone else to love, i can't let go. Maybe something will change.. Maybe someone will change me, my feelings.. I still hope even i know.. And that's the mistake i keep repeatin'.

standing on the crossroad where you have to decide..

She is not bitter. She's just sad. Her dreams are her destiny. She will find a way, her wings are broken but she'll fly, fly away. When the stars are falling down and sending voices to her mind and the moonlight is filling pieces of her heart. There, where she lost her words behind, sadness is calling her to come, she'll join the land of seas of love. One day, when she's old enough she'll realise how close she was to reality and she missed it. It slipped through her hands. At that moment all the feelings will break through her, and break her. She'll hear the words, quietly landing on her ears. And she'll find a little piece of her heart lost in the crowd, sitting there, quiet like a cloud, she'll find a smile in her eyes. She'll stand and fight. Seems like it was a long time ago. There was a crossroad and she choose the wrong way. Even she still doesn't know what is right and what is wrong. Feeling what she felt in that darkness, was a sign. It's hard to fight when you're drowning in your tears. And the flame is burning on and on. So that smile, she caught in her eyes was the dream she once, used to had. So she stands, and she fights. 'Cause she's strong, she'd travel time to confess. She may ask herself ''has the moment came and passed?''. Her dreams are still there and they always will be her destiny. But when the dreams are everything that is left, only words can speak the tale. Have you seen the stars? Falling down? You can understand. You have not? You will... You born alone. You die alone. The rest is yours to fill the gap. And now? She's missing someone else.. 

-le me improvising with emir hot-you, and stand and fight songs.