all the world i've seen before me passing by..

Rainy day. Nothing unusual in this little town. Stupid little town. Nothing that could make people stop and think: what will happen today? So, it's just a simple, rainy day, in a town that can't be less complicated. As the rain drops are falling to the ground, you can hear steps are getting louder.. You're surrounded with everything, but innocence. Behind everyone's eyes is a little bit of pain. People. People hiding their faces while passing by you. Turning their heads. You may ask yourself: Is it because they don't want you to see the pain behind their eyes or is it just because they're the ones who caused yours? All the pain they're carrying with themselves are songs no one sings.. The bigger the lies, the more they want to believe them. Once again what was right is wrong and no one has their peace. Yes, in this stupid little town you'll be judged to suffer. The ones who turned their heads would pass by, even if the sky is falling down on you. That one person who had your back will be just another lost soul full of anger, full of pain, passing by. Even you think you've got nothing, to gain, to lose, you're still afraid you will. In this town you'll lose everything, so don't try to gain something,.. anything. All the world you've seen is passing by. Everything you've heard, had or known...

I burn to make them understand, understand their moves, their pain so i can turn them into this.. This thing that you're reading right now.. Thing that will take away five minutes of your life, won't change theirs and took a lot out of me to be done. You begin to wonder what's the point of this thing you're reading, and why can't you stop? It's not because you care, you don't. Why would you care about bunch of words.. One little town.. Emotions that are skipping you..? Are they? Or did you find yourself in my words? Did any person slipped through your mind while you were just simply reading this thing, thing you'll forget about, thing that will pass by like everything else, in one or another way? But, after all, will change something..

if i had a world of my own, nothing would be what it is, 'cuz everything would be what it isn't...

Im from where the magic is. I give you all i cannot take with me. Begging you to stay with me, somehow. Knowing you will take the short way. Wrong way. Way out. I want to take you where the magic is. Lights. Im resisting, let the lightning take you. It's okay to feel what you're feeling, it's fine. You're in the dark. It's not about how you feel, it's about that moment when you stop. No more questions, what if this, what if that, what if.. No more feelings, and late nights drowning in your tears. Everything is fading away. Some things might stay, better not.. Believing every word can't let some things fade. Accepting those things, those words, words that have been said a long time ago will stop the pain. You were bleeding inside. No more. Now, it's just about emptiness you can't explain. The moment you realize you choose the wrong way, and you still don't know what's right and  wrong. But you will. I will be there, to tell you. To let you know.. To show you. I will be there to whisper it to you. When you hear the definition of right and wrong you'll see what pain is. You'll suffer. Not from pain, but from something called PAST. It would be easier if past would mean something bad is over. But your past will be something good you never took. Chance you missed. When the past is all over you, you won't be able to bring yourself to scream, and to let go. So when you hear the whisper from my broken heart just stop for a minute and think. Would you change anything? Turn around and you'll feel it. Cold wind flowing through you. Does it actually matter what i think? Is there anything left for me here? If i had a world on my own everything would be nonsense, nothing would be what it is, 'cuz everything would be what it isn't. Make things fade away! Push yourself to do it. Maybe you'll succeed, or in the worst case you will see, feel what i've felt. It's hard to fight, but try. From time to time you will remember, remember me. Maybe im wrong, maybe you won't regret anything. But hey, we both choose the wrong way, look where that brought us, and just take a look of who we are now. I thought emptiness will stop all those questions, but still, after everything, here and there, i ask myself some. I wonder if you ever just stop, and think: Man, i miss her. Do you ever remember all those late nights we spent talking?.. After everything i spent them all by myself drowning in tears and then when that was over too, i sit alone and just stare at that one point that seems to be everything i have.

this storm that's broken me, my only friend..

I can't miss you. Cause missing is bad. I remember the day when every single thing became meaningless to you. And i can't not remember all these months. It will pass- i tell myself. Time will take it. It will pass. As the time is passing nothing is changin'. I decided you're on the other side. Still, the other side is not far enough. Between mine and yours is just a thin thread. They say it gets thicker day by day. But as the days are passing by i can't see the change. It's as thin as it was at the start. There's no days, there's no time that could change things.Everywhere i go i look around and im trying to find you. I can feel your touch, hear your voice.. Everywhere.. A sadness grows inside of me and it all seems so unfair.And all the pain i should feel i push it down, i push it somewhere inside of me where no one wants to be. One look at that place and everything you ever thought you were is everything you have ever been afraid of. I see your face and still, after everything, it makes me smile. I can hear the whisper from my broken heart, im still swallowing the goodbye. And it seems like everything is broken, just when my brain decides to remember. Remembering is the hardest thing i have ever done. The sun isn't shining as it used to. And i can feel the rain, again, falling on my head like a memory. One drop, one feeling, one memory, new emotions-pain.I keep everything inside of me, im just another lost soul. You shall take the place inside of fire with me. I'll be broken another time i tell myself. I am stricken and i can't let you go even you're already gone. I wanna know if i'll heal inside, im so tired of being punished for just simply existing. I think it's enough for me tasting the hell this time. Im running from myself. Don't want others to see me falling, running from who i am. From who i've became. It is beyond my control will we ever meet again.I can feel the animal inside, pounding on the doors of my mind.And i can feel the fear inside of me but i can't bring myself to scream. I've found something i should be happy for, guess what happens? I remember. I never really had a chance on that fateful moonlit night, i thought i could fight, but until i realise why is it so hard to let go, i won't be able to fight the feelings i don't want to feel. Scroll down.. First post.. 13th May.. From that day im building this inside of me. Now, when i found someone else to miss. Someone else to love, i can't let go. Maybe something will change.. Maybe someone will change me, my feelings.. I still hope even i know.. And that's the mistake i keep repeatin'.

I WAS THE ''BOREDOM KILLER''

If things in your life are going good, please, enjoy them, 'cuz they won't last forever. But remember, if they're going bad, they can't last forever either. Maybe one day, you'll regret the chances you didn't took, chances you missed.Don't ever, ever,ever, blame yourself for something you know you haven't done.Don't blame yourself for other people mistakes. Yes, i've been in love. Painful. Pointless. Overrated. I was waiting for those words you didn't said at the end. And i thought it's not the end if they're still unsaid. But then, when you finally did. Not completely but still.. you said everything i had to hear. It's not im not getting used to it.. To be screwed over and over again. Or to trust wrong people. It's just i thought you, ''the you'', for who i actually thought were different screwed me the most. And i can't live with the fact that i have to feel this, what i feel right now, just because i let myself fall for you. People around me keep telling me i should be strong, not to cry, not look back and not to feel what i feel. But the thing is, i am strong. I truly am. I remember how i used to not care and everything was just fine. At the moment i started to care one by one, little pieces of me broke, and fell off. Until, everything that is left it's everything i will ever be, and ever feel. It's ok to cry. You can cry. There's always time to be positive. Now, im not sure if i really wanted the words to be said, but they are, and i can't do anything about it. I've been through all this alone with this blog and words of mine. That. That makes ME strong. And now, when im ready to move on. When i am ready to not think about you, talk about you, when im ready to let you go. To let the memories, and feelings go away. I realize how much time i've lost just sitting and thinking something will change but actually all this time i knew who you really were, i just didn't want to accept it, and live with it. Live with the fact, everything i ever was to you it's boredom killer, and well, seems like im that for everyone else. 

don't let others see you falling, don't be reason of their happiness..

What’s past is past, what’s done i cannot rewind. All those memories i think about now they're all fading away, and as they are i think about all those we could have, but we never will. Those memories are becoming shadows.  And as the time goes maybe i won't be able to remember them, or in the worst case i'll remember them forever. But now, when im aware that all two of us had is gone, i just want to forget everything, but i can't. I just can't put all that behind, all those memories we had, all those words, all those moments... And now, i hate myself coz of that, and when i see you smiling all around i feel kinda happy coz you are, and then when i realise what i've lost and when i realise i can't be happy, i go back to my tears. And i realised people love rain, they love standing on rain so no one can see their tears, no one can see the pain behind their eyes. Im sad too, but  i smile, make jokes it doesn't matter if its all pretending that im happy, in reality im all alone, lonely and on my own. Every single tear of mine is telling it's own story. But if you're brave, you'll stand on the rain with an umbrella, and hold back your tears ;)

its me on the picture