on that night, 31.12.

On that faithful moonlight night i was standing there, in the coldness. I would lie if i tell i was waiting. No. This is the way you left me. I kept walking around. I tried to pretend nothing went wrong, but it did. It felt like forever. But i wasn't waiting, not at all. This is the hardest story that i've ever told. As i was watching the stars, falling down, and as i heard the voices in the back, voices from down the street. As i heard laughs from down there. I couldn't bring myself to cry. Not a single tear was shed. And i was telling myself a lot of things, that night. But i couldn't understand my own words. I could only hear the voices. Someone's voices, voices i knew. I knew i can't look down the street, i knew if i would it would tear me apart. But i thought i knew so many things, so i did it. I turned my head and i could see everything i ever thought that could destroy me. And it didn't, cause i didn't let it. I thought i won't have strength in my legs to move, i thought i won't be able to let a word come out of my mouth, but i did. So now i can truly say, everything i ever thought is a lie.

I was looking down the street and at that moment i was watching the voices i've heard. I knew them better then i knew myself, and it was the only thing i actually knew on that night. No tears. No happy endings.

Somewhere in the crowd, between the voices i could hear my heart. It was skipping beats. I was healing the hurt behind my eyes by simply standing there and dealing with the voices i heard.

-Hey! Hurry up then! Or you'll fall behind and they'll take control of you. Voices, yes.
If you don't hurry up, if you don't catch yourself in the moment, they will. You'll be made of them. Every single thought will speak itself with the voices, voices you're hearing. Don't let yourself be there, where you were. No, that's not for you. Little bastards who are trying to impress each other, no. You're more than
that.-

So as i was staring, down, i kept my feelings no one knew. In this times of doing what you're told, you realize you always did kept them for yourself. Everyone's pointing their fingers, and no one knows what it's like.
What it's like to know, and never been told. 

-Silence. Silence everywhere. You hear a whisper and then a laugh. And again, and again. You could hear the silence calling his name. It's getting louder. Few words. It's loud. If you weren't there you couldn't sleep. Not because of the voices, but, because of the night. It actually doesn't mean you're lonely if you're alone. You stood alone there, yea. On that night, you weren't lonely, you never are. You're over. Making a story doesn't help. Making things right on your own way won't help. You're just another lost soul that's made to suffer. But not on that night, that night was simply beautiful.. -

if i had a world of my own, nothing would be what it is, 'cuz everything would be what it isn't...

Im from where the magic is. I give you all i cannot take with me. Begging you to stay with me, somehow. Knowing you will take the short way. Wrong way. Way out. I want to take you where the magic is. Lights. Im resisting, let the lightning take you. It's okay to feel what you're feeling, it's fine. You're in the dark. It's not about how you feel, it's about that moment when you stop. No more questions, what if this, what if that, what if.. No more feelings, and late nights drowning in your tears. Everything is fading away. Some things might stay, better not.. Believing every word can't let some things fade. Accepting those things, those words, words that have been said a long time ago will stop the pain. You were bleeding inside. No more. Now, it's just about emptiness you can't explain. The moment you realize you choose the wrong way, and you still don't know what's right and  wrong. But you will. I will be there, to tell you. To let you know.. To show you. I will be there to whisper it to you. When you hear the definition of right and wrong you'll see what pain is. You'll suffer. Not from pain, but from something called PAST. It would be easier if past would mean something bad is over. But your past will be something good you never took. Chance you missed. When the past is all over you, you won't be able to bring yourself to scream, and to let go. So when you hear the whisper from my broken heart just stop for a minute and think. Would you change anything? Turn around and you'll feel it. Cold wind flowing through you. Does it actually matter what i think? Is there anything left for me here? If i had a world on my own everything would be nonsense, nothing would be what it is, 'cuz everything would be what it isn't. Make things fade away! Push yourself to do it. Maybe you'll succeed, or in the worst case you will see, feel what i've felt. It's hard to fight, but try. From time to time you will remember, remember me. Maybe im wrong, maybe you won't regret anything. But hey, we both choose the wrong way, look where that brought us, and just take a look of who we are now. I thought emptiness will stop all those questions, but still, after everything, here and there, i ask myself some. I wonder if you ever just stop, and think: Man, i miss her. Do you ever remember all those late nights we spent talking?.. After everything i spent them all by myself drowning in tears and then when that was over too, i sit alone and just stare at that one point that seems to be everything i have.

fuck society's idea of beauty.

As the days were passing by, i felt nothing and everything at the same time. At one second i felt like im in the  clouds and at the other one i was deep down in hell. It's not like anything special was happing in my life, those emotions were caused by too much thinking, SCUMBAG BRAIN!
And now i became someone i once swore i'll never be.
When i turn my head around  im surrounded by people i once knew, now they're just strangers passing by. Just becuase everything have changed, we changed ourselves.
And everytime i look myself at the mirror i see the old me. Im not trying to justify for who i have become, im just saying sometimes it's not our fault for the things that are happening. It's society's fault.
And every step we take, everything we do, every wrong move we make, they're going to blame us. We should just keep our heads up, and keep living.
You'll be called a liar 'cuz you won't tell everything, you'll be called stupid 'cuz you're wrong sometimes, you'll be called fake 'cuz you're nice, fat 'cuz you eat when you're hungry, and you'll be called weird and you won't be accepted 'cuz you don't look good. You're too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short and you  always will  be too this, too that.. but keep this on your mind..
..YOU'RE NOT UGLY, SOCIETY IS.