..things, people, feelings will never be the same again..

I listen to a song. A song that is happy and that makes me happy. Well, it's the only thing that makes me happy in last few months.. I tell myself that im over you, that im done, and nothing's gonna happen. And i stay behind my words, just till the next day when i see you.When you give me that look, look that makes me remember my tale, our tale. I remember you, with me, on that field. And in reality we had nothing but our words, and each other, every single day. At the end the guilted invaded notion of someone i once knew. I never thought that could ever be possible. But now, when i talk to you, and it's not so often, i don't recognize you. I just don't know you. Things aren't like they used to be, people aren't the same anymore, and feelings aren't either.When you blame yourself for everything it's much harder to deal with things you're going through.You know that feeling when you're tired of everything.? When it's easier to walk away then fight? And whenever that feeling comes, when the feeling to give up of everything comes you're not ready, you're never ready for it. Somehow you run from it. From the feeling, from the moment. You put a smile on your face and everything you do is pretend. Pretending is good. As long as people can't see you crashing they will treat you as they were going to. Once they see how hurt you are everything's gonna change. 'Cuz some may think everything else you do is pretending, but in reality you're just hiding feelings so you can't hurt anyone else. But i guess no one can see what you're going through. Everyone thinks there's no problems, they think you don't have any, but actually YOUR FEELINGS ARE QUITE ENOUGH problem for u. And yea, maybe i don't have problems, 'cuz i have nothing left with you, 'cuz everything with my family and friends is just fine, but hey, not everything you can just see is a problem, maybe you can't see it or touch it, but it's there. Not everything you can't see is not real, it really is out there. 

im giving all i have not to need you..

Run away? Run away to be lost in the crowd seems like a perfect answer. But running away is such an immature act. And cowardly. If good moments come to you everyday you can get sick of them, and it's not because you don't want them. Because you want something bad. But just, sometimes, all that we need is something called fear of losing everything. And just then you can see what things, what people mean, or don't mean to you. I try. Im trying. I want to go, i want to let everything go. Something is pushing me back, pulling me down and i can't even name the ''something''. Do you have to come now and then and leave some clues and just go, disappear? Is that really necessary? Well, it was never about how i feel, so, why should i care? It was never about how im spending the lonely nights on my own. Now, im ignoring you and it's working. I don't want you to run after me, to chase me, and i don't want you to need me.'Cuz im giving all i have not to need you. Im standing for myself. And you? You are the one that should not be named. You're on the OTHER SIDE. Side, that i don't even look at. And you always will be there. I will always remember you, and i'll remember our tale. But from now on everything you are is a stranger passing by. I won't ever even look at you, i'll just bend my head everytime i see you. 'Cuz you are a stranger standing on the other side. I will, at least, i'll try to remember you with me, on that field. But from tomorrow you have your field, and i'll make my own. I will collect, one by one, slowly and patiently little pieces of my heart i lost. Little pieces you took from me. With no mercy, you just pulled them out of me. You made me standing here all by myself. And just because of you i can't feel anything.

one wrong move and you're chasing shadows from the past..

When our looks cross, i stare, you stare. No moves, no words, just staring. And sometimes that staring, that silence tells more then any moves or words could ever tell. It's a silence with a story. Just like everyone else, we had one too. Our own. It was a story i could never tell again, it was a tale you only read once but it stays in your memory forever. No one wrote it down, but everyone knows it. Some may forget.. but not you.
You will remember every single word of it, moment, every single smile you had telling it.. living it.. Tale, which now seems like it wasn't right. Only becuase remembering it is the hardest memory you have.

You ask yourself if he's worth it. And the answer is positive. But take another look of what you have right now. Pain, that you can't even explain. Happiness, 'cuz it happened. Hope, for it to repeat. Faith, 'cuz of the unsaid words you're waiting for to be said, and at the end he screw you over again. Just with not telling anything, with ignoring your words,and not telling his, unsaid words. It makes you think they don't exist, but they do, they are there, and as long as they're unsaid you can't move on, you're stuck with your tale. Tale, that tells itself with the look he gives to you. Tale, that's passing through you. Tale, only you two can understand no matter how much people know about it. No matter you hope someone, who knows it, will finish it. You hope someone will break it, someone will help you, someone,that you know, will tell him to finish the unsaid words you're waiting for becuase you can't. But that won't happen, 'cuz only person you depend on is yourself,  no one will take a risk for you. You're on your own, 'cuz well, it is your tale, which now just makes you chasing shadows from the past!