osjetis li dno na kojem stojis, dotakla si ga..

Onda kad' nije znala šta da kaže, šutila je. Gradila je zidove od neizrečenih riječi, bijesna na cijeli svijet. Nije se pronalazila ni u jednoj ''stvarnosti'', koju je sama tkala. Pravila je čuda, iako u njih nije vjerovala.
One riječi koje bi i izrekla bile su prazne, a tako tople. Ipak, u najhladnijim noćima, ona je šutila.
Trpila je pritisak okoline, koračala je, a nije se pomakla s' mjesta. Pogledom je trazila dno, trazila je kraj. A nije ga bilo, samo bi padala dublje.
S' glavom naslonjenom na zid pričala je sebi. Popunjavala je tišinu.
Imala je neku prokletu želju da se probudi, da zakorači, a da je zapravo toga svjesna.
Živjela je po onom': "Budi svoj, ljudi te i onako neće voljeti".
Osmijehom je skrivala svoje probleme, a onda ih istim rušila.Sve do jednog trenutka. Nakon kojeg, nikad, nije mogla izgovoriti ni jedno obično ime, a da njeno lice nije prekrila tama, tišina. I da se njene oči nisu zasjajile, a pogled nije izgubio. U onoj dubini, u koju bi kasnije tonula, sama. Možda se i nije uklapala u one okvire njene stvarnosti, ali u tu dubinu bi se savršeno uklopila. Došlo bi joj muka od svih stvari koje je osjećala, i još gore, onih koje nije.
Zajedno s' njim izblijedio je osmijeh kojim bi ugasila one svoje misli, koje su joj punile glavu, ona silna očekivanja, koja su joj nametali, uništio je njen izlaz iz stvarnosti koja joj nije pripadala.
I da, potiskivala je sve duboko u sebe. Sama je pravila onu svoju dubinu u kojoj se tako dobro pronašla.
Upoznala je ljude, i iskrene i lažne, a nikad' takvima nije postala.
Jedino lažno na njoj, bio je onaj osmijeh koji je nosila dok je bila s njim, dok ga je gledala iz drugog ugla sobe, i vidjela ga onako kako niko nije. A jedino iskreno na njoj, bio je pogled, kojim ga je gledala.
Klela je dane u kojima bi šutila, u kojima bi krila svoje riječi. Njen razum bi joj govorio jedno, a njena 'dubina' nešto sasvim drugo. I tako bi se  borila s' njima, dok nije dotaknula dno, i u tom trenutku nije imala ništa više za reći, osim običnog: "Sad razumijem..''.
Na kraju, koračala je slijepa,izgubljena ali svjesna svoje okoline.

times like these are saving you..

You don't need a savior, you don't need a saint. No one can help you with this one. When the words are out of reach on the top shelf, the world stops spinning. Oceans of happiness are far away from this point, and sun and the stars are exploding. Pretty soon, there'll be nowhere to run away.You filled your lungs up with air, counting your breaths, 'cause soon there'll be no more left. Nothing left, nothing to gain, to lose. And some of the stars are fading away, just a moment before you catch them. Could you understand your own words when the whole world is shut.? Could you recognize yourself when the lights go down? Could you still feel your own breaths even though you have no left? Standing in one place, and still moving forward.. Could you?
Would you make the world go on, or would you make it stop? Would it even matter?
It's alright to feel alone but you can't, all those shadows killed your light, killed your way out of this place.
At the end of the day, when the sun comes down, you can hear a whisper calling your name, name that sounds like mistake. You've learned how to live with it but you can't get used to the fact you've been a lie, all this time. You're words are empty now and the blood that's going  through your veins is poisoned with lies. You want to hide the truth but there's no any. 'Cause when the lights faded out you made a bigger mess out of it.
No, don't count your sins. Don't try to fix anything, anything became nothing. Your sins, your mistakes.. It'll be like trying to fix yourself, now, you're made of them. When you're sinking like a stone in a deep blue, and no one knows it, you can take a breath, same one you lost. From time to time, like this, you can catch a breath instead of that star that faded away and then landed on your hands. Times like these are saving you. From what's called; easy way out.
And now you're counting all the reasons why you should stay, or you should leave? Remember, the lights already went down, and you don't know where, or who you are.. Stay, or take everything with you.